


Sold My Soul

by cinder1013



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Het, Pegging, Porn, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-22 00:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1569323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinder1013/pseuds/cinder1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santana convinces Kurt to help her make porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And so it began...

**Author's Note:**

> From this [GKM Prompt](http://glee-kink-meme.livejournal.com/48822.html?thread=62492342).
> 
> Timeline-wise, this happens during the Klaine break-up period and starts sometime around Thanksgiving.

"I'm baa-aack!" Rachel sang. 

"Oh!" Kurt shoved the dildo in his hand under a couch cushion and tossed the afghan over Santana's mostly naked form. "Rachel! How was rehearsal? You must tell me everything!" he commanded, taking her bag and leading her into the curtained off part of the loft where she slept. 

"Kurt? Is your fly unbuttoned?" 

"Oh, my Gaga! I ... how embarrassing!" He turned his back and zipped up his fly, tucking his dick in more securely as he did. "I am so ... I am going to cry I'm so embarrassed." He sat on her bed, jazzing his hands theatrically. 

"Kurt!" Rachel tapped her foot. "Didn't we both agree to give up jazz hands for Lent?" 

"Oh, right. When does Lent end?" 

Rachel shrugged. "Rehearsal was brutal. I don't suppose you could make me a cup of tea?" 

"Oh, right, yes!" Jumping up, he scurried off to the kitchen area, where he found a completely clothed Santana waiting for him. Not that it was much clothing. It was Santana after all. 

"Very nicely done. I don't think she noticed anything." 

"It is Rachel. Noticing others is not her greatest strength." Kurt set the kettle on, shoo-ing Santana to a seat at the dining table. "Put a towel under yourself. I don't want any of that ..." He stepped over and leaned down, whispering directly in her ear. "...hot, wet, steamy cunt getting all your dirty slime all over my beautiful kitchen chairs." 

"Fuck, your mouth," Santana moaned. "Nobody can dirty talk like you, baby." 

"It's a gift." He went back to pulling out mugs and setting out milk, sugar, and cookies. "I used to practice when I was making out with my pillow."

"You seriously practiced kissing on your pillow?" She laughed. 

"At the time, it was that or get no kissage at all. I thought I was the only gay in school." He sighed. "How wrong I was." 

"What was that?" Rachel asked, coming into the kitchen. 

"Kurt's a dork," Santana told her. 

"How can you say such a thing?" 

"You know she only insults those she loves." 

"Of course." Rachel sat primly. "So, who would like to hear about my day?"

They listened because they really didn't want any questions about their own day. A work day. A long work day in fact. Kurt was absolutely sure that if he had to have another orgasm, it was going to be dry. 

Porn. They were making porn. 

Santana was to blame, of course. It started out as a solo adventure for her. She made good money, but it would be better if she could find a partner, so for some mysterious reason, she asked Kurt. 

"How would you like to be able to get that amazing, fashionable ass of yours into Barney's and buy whatever the hell you want not having to worry about cost."

"You have my ear Satan, do go on."

"Fucking. I want you to fuck me." 

"You want me to what?" 

"Porn," Santana told him, dryly. "I want you to use that big cock of yours. I've looked, I know. I want you to use it to fuck me on camera." 

"Did, at some point in our admittedly strange relationship, I mention that I'm gay? Because I'm gay. Meaning I'm into men and I think penises are wonderful and vaginas are yucky."

"This isn't about sex." 

"I definitely think it is." 

She sighed. "This is about making money." 

"Didn't we get rid of Broady for this?" 

"No, we got rid of his very nice ass because he was a liar and a cheat. There is nothing wrong with either prostitution or porn." 

"I think prostitution is illegal," Kurt told her.

"Not in Nevada. Besides, how we use our bodies should be our business. I want to sell it or fuck on camera for money, that's my business." 

"Yeah, sure. I'm just unclear on how it's become **my** business."

Santana shrugged. "I'm hot. You're hot. You have a big dick. I have awesome boobs. Het sex sells better. We should fuck and make money at it. Besides, we're both single. Why not?" 

Kurt opened his mouth and closed it again several times. "Can you even come with a guy? Because I'm not sure I could get hard." 

Well, it turned out he could. At first he did it by thinking about guys, but honestly, a hand is a hand and he was a horny barely twenty-year-old. The sex still wasn't his cup of tea, but he took a certain pride in being very good at it. They racked up a lot of fans quickly. 

OK, so he couldn't always get hard and Santana couldn't look at him when she was first starting to get worked up. She admitted that she needed to think about girls. "But you can work a dildo like nobody's business and your tongue is a divine gift," she told him. 

In the beginning they messed around with a few femdom ideas. 

"Artistically speaking, if I'm not allowed to come, it won't be a problem when I'm not allowed to." Kurt said. 

There were a couple of immediate problems. First, Kurt came when she stepped on his dick. Totally not expected and something he did **not** want to explore with Santana. Second, having his dick stepped on hurt. And there was no way she was getting a stiletto anywhere near his balls. 

So, basic het sex it was.


	2. Pink, Perfect, and Edible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Santana's shenanigans continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Santana start down a very confused road of sexuality here.

It became a daily event for Rachel to almost catch them going at it. They both took just a little too much joy in it, stashing toys in what Kurt thought was the most obvious places. Seriously, there were 2 dildos under the couch cushions, a plug Kurt liked to wear stashed behind the sugar, and a whole bunch of clamps and leather cuffs and things behind the TV. 

Kurt thought that at this point he'd have to leave toys and lube in plain site for Rachel to ever notice. Not that he wanted her to, but he sort of did too. Such fun. 

“Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Harder, bitch!” Santana yelled. Her fingers clenched in the bedding until her knuckles turned white. Behind her, Kurt had his eyes closed as he pounded her ass. He didn’t need to picture anything. It felt amazing. 

“Oh, fuckin’ yeah, I’m gonna -” 

The door slid open. “Kurt? Santana? I got ice cream!"

“Fuck,” Kurt snapped. Rolling off the bed, he pulled on his clothes. Perhaps it wasn't the best plan. He and Santana spent every evening in frustrated lust. Getting off 3 times already wasn't enough. Spending all day pleasuring Santana with his tongue, playing with her plump breasts. Today he'd gotten off the second time by thrusting between her tits and feeling her tongue flicker over the head of his cock. Really something he'd never thought he would ever do. 

Still, the fans loooved it. 

It was uncanny, really. Couldn't they tell he and Santana were both gay?

He had to ask her that one evening. He couldn't hold the question inside anymore. "It seems like they would know, like it's written on our foreheads or something. Everyone who meets me knows I'm gay before I even open my mouth."

"Yes, you are a walking stereotype. Hey, if I cut holes in this bra, my nipples will stick out. Think our adoring public would like that." 

"I'm having a crisis here."

"It's a pansy ass crisis. Get over it. So, nipples?"

"They'll love it. They love anything that involves your breasts, which objectively I understand." Kurt crossed his legs, sighing as that put even more pressure on his dissatisfied, half-hard penis. "I miss sex with men." 

"Go out with me this weekend and get your freak on. You stay in too much." 

"Did you miss last weekend? Hello, tattoo." 

"I wish you'd left in the tongue ring." 

"So, who wants to hear about my day?" Rachel asked, skipping out of her curtained off area. "You are not going to believe how amazing I sounded in vocal class. The only thing better was Carmen's face as she listened to me." 

"Carmen?" Kurt asked. "We're on a first name basis now?" 

"I'm going to be the kind of star who is on a first name basis with everyone," Rachel told them imperiously. "You'll say, I knew her when." 

"When what?" Santana asked. Kurt couldn't help his giggles. 

"Seriously, Rachel, we're still going to be friends when you win your first Tony." 

"She wins? No, honey, she'll be presenting it to me." 

"Darling," Kurt flirted, deliberately over the top, "I'll be presenting it to you. As the previous winner of male lead, of course." 

"Kurt, best gay o' mine, who will you be presenting it to?" Rachel plopped down on the couch, right on the cushion under which the dildos were hidden. Santana giggled, which set Kurt off. Soon they were rolling on the floor in laughter. 

"What? What? You 2 are cruel!" Rachel yelled, escaping to her bed area. 

"Tomorrow, we're going to fuck in her bed," Santana decided. 

"Eww, no. It would seem I am persuadable to you. You're my exception or something, but Rachel is a serious deflater." He thought about it for a moment. "You can tie me down to the bed tomorrow and ride me."

"In reverse cowgirl." 

"Our fans will drool over it." 

"Yeah, their cocks will ..." She trailed off when Rachel came back into the room. "Hi, Henny-Penny. The sky done falling." 

"You are the cruelest person alive." 

"Well, I learned from the best." 

"Kurt?" 

"Yeah, not choosing sides. Who wants ice cream? What flavor did you get?" Getting up, he started getting bowls and spoons out. Grabbing the ice cream, he stared at it for a moment. "Nipples." 

"Ooo." 

"What?" 

"Nothing," Kurt told her, brightly. "Dulce de leche. Perfect." 

And it did get put to good use the next day. 

"Yeah, we'll have to use vanilla white-out I'm so bright I blind people flavor on your nipples," Santana teased as they cuddled in some sort of perverse after glow.

"Bitch please, strawberry." He gestured to his chest. "They're pink and perfect and edible and deserve to be worshiped."


	3. Don't Tell Rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now everyone knows ... almost everyone.

The first person to find out about them making porn was actually Puck. Not surprising considering the amount of porn he watched. Fuck, at this point Kurt and Santana (otherwise known as Dirk and Callie) had their own fanclub. Puck thought it was awesomely hot and hysterically funny. "But dude, I'll grant you, if you 2 need a threesome guest star, count me in. I'll even let Hummel fuck my ass. Strap-on always felt good," he told them over Skype.

Santana preened. 

"You fucked him in the ass with a strap-on?" Kurt asked. "And you haven't done me yet?" 

"Little too gay for our audience." 

"Who says we have to do it on camera? I have not been fucked in so long, I'm starting to forget what it feels like." 

"I'll fuck you," Puck volunteered. "That is one pert bubble ass." 

"Sure, come to New York. Get here as soon as possible." He turned around and faced Puck. Or the computer screen. Either way. "Promise me you won't tell anyone? We don't want Rachel to know." He thought they probably didn't. 

"Wait, you 2 fuck all day on camera and Rachel doesn't know?" 

"Yup-p," Santana confirmed, popping the p hard. "It's so funny."

"It is pretty hysterical," Kurt agreed. 

"I thought for sure she was going to notice the lube on the side table yesterday, but no." 

"You don't want her to know, but you leave out lube where she can find it?" Puck started laughing. "And she missed it?" 

"She misses everything," Kurt confirmed. "Oh my Gaga, it's sad." 

Of course Puck couldn't keep his mouth shut. It was barely 24 hours before Artie knew and as soon as Artie knew, so did Tina. And when Tina found out, she told Sam who blurted it out to Blaine. 

"Kurt, how could you do this to me?" he asked, not even saying hello. 

"Well, I needed the money. And how am I doing it to you? We're broken up, remember? And not because of me." He continued shopping. Might as well get the jumbo size lube. They sure used enough of it. "Must we have this conversation?" 

"Does this mean you believe in bisexuality now?" 

"Yes and no. I have a couple good friends now who are bisexual, but Santana and I are still gay." 

"You were fucking her breasts. That's really, really straight. Disturbingly straight." 

Kurt sighed. "Santana says it works because we're both really hot, her especially." He laughed dryly. "It doesn't work all the time. Sometimes I have to think of ... other things. And we make a lot of money. A lot. Are we actually having a normal conversation about this?" 

"I just want to understand." 

"It's about money, Blaine. That's all it is." Which, Kurt was pretty sure was still true. Admittedly, he did love the attention and the fans. It was like a little piece of fame. And he liked the intimacy with Santana in a strange way. 

"How does Rachel feel about you fucking in every room in the apartment?" 

"Uh, almost every room. Santana keeps wanting to fuck in Rachel's bed, but that's where I draw the line." 

"OMG!" A woman squealed and ran up to him. "You're him! You're totally him! You're all over my tumblr!" 

"Uh, hi, umm..." Kurt wasn't sure what to say. There wasn't a plan for what happened when he was recognized in public. 

"Will you please sign my breasts? Please, please, you have to!" 

"OK?" Kurt looked around, trying to figure out an escape. He'd seen enough of women's breasts for a lifetime. "I'm afraid I don't have a pen." 

"Here!" She whipped out a sharpie and opened her shirt right there on the street. "I can't wait to tweet that I met you." 

"Thank you so much, I think." He signed Dirk and then paused. Dirk didn't have a last name. Finally, he thought, fuck it and added Gently. People had to know it was an alias, right?

"Your name is Dirk Gently? Wow. Just wow!" She jumped up and hugged him. "Awesome!" Still squealing, she ran off to her girlfriends again. 

"Kurt? Kurt?" Blaine asked over the phone. 

"Yes, sorry. That was positively surreal. I don't think this is how I wanted to get famous." 

"You know, I don't think I'm jealous," Blaine admitted. 

"Well, good. Why? Not that you should be. I'm just curious." 

"Because it's a woman and even if you did fall for a woman, some kind of exception, it would be Rachel." There was a long pause. "Look, I have to go. I just want to know, if I jerk off to your videos, will you be offended?"

"Yes I will. That's not how I want you to see me." 

"Then maybe you shouldn't be doing it."

"Maybe. Just remember, don't tell Rachel." They said their goodbyes and hung up. At this point, the gossip vine was going to get to Rachel very soon. What the fuck was he going to tell her?


	4. Please, Don't Tell Rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Blaine knows." 
> 
> "Well, that was a segue and a half. What did he say?"

At the apartment, he found Santana trying on lingerie. 

"That's cute. I like the faux fur hem." 

"Who said it's faux?" she asked.

"It had better be." He looked around to make sure they were alone. "What are we going to tell Rachel?" 

"Tell her what, exactly?" 

Kurt walked past her to examine the other pieces of naughty negligees strewn across his bed. "Are any of these for me?" 

"Not with our audience, but you can have the robe she told him." 

Kurt grinned, picking up the zebra striped, satin robe. "I love it." Pulling off his clothes, he belted on the robe and turned to admire himself in the mirror. "We look good together." 

"Fuck yeah!" 

"Blaine knows." 

"Well, that was a segue and a half. What did he say?" 

Kurt shrugged, much too casual. His shoulders were tense. Concerned, Santana turned so she could give Kurt her entire attention. He acknowledged it with a look, but didn't untense at all. 

"He asked if he could jerk off while watching us fuck." 

"Creepy ass, but you are way hot. I can't blame him. He totally lost the best thing to ever happen to him other than hair gel." 

Kurt smiled at the compliment. "I told him no. I mean, that's not how I want him to think of me. But ... I'm just feeling confused." 

"Oh, fuck me! Tell me you're not quitting. I will fuckin' kill you if you quit. Slowly, with a stiletto." 

Kurt just grunted in reply, flopping backwards onto the bed, his robe flying up around him. "I met a fan." 

"Seriously?" Santana pulled off the white teddy she was wearing and picked up a red corset to try instead. 

"I like that. It suits you, Satan." 

"What happened with the fan, dumbass?" She snorted. "Like I don't know you're avoiding." 

"She asked me to sign her breasts." Turning, Kurt stared up at the ceiling. He really needed to clean it. He didn’t know how he was going to do that, but those might be cobwebs.

"And? Were they nice breasts?" 

"Not nearly as nice as yours and it turns out my last name is Gently." 

Santana snickered. Then Kurt snickered. It went back and forth between them until they finally lost it, laughing so hard their sides ached. Finally their laughs subsided and they just laid there together, quietly, until they both fell into the clutches of an afternoon doze.


	5. Lucrative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel comes home to find Kurt and Santana in bed together. Will she figure it out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The real chapter this time. Thank you to Ashley for noticing. Love you, dear.

"OMG!" 

Kurt shot up on the bed, staring incredulously at Rachel. He was on a bed covered in lingerie, almost half naked, wearing an almost sheer robe. Beside him, Santana came around more slowly, groggy, needing coffee. Oh yes, and she was wearing a bit of red leather that barely covered any of her assets. 

"Oh, fuck, Berry," was all she said before slumped back into her pillow face-first. 

"I ... Rachel, I can explain." 

"Just put on some clothes," she ordered, covering her eyes and backing out of the curtained off area. "Oh help me, I saw your penis," she whined, half to herself. 

Blushing, Kurt got up and put on some regular clothes. The robe he carefully folded and placed in a chic reclaimed wine box bin with several of his other favorite pieces. Then he squared his shoulders and walked out to the kitchen. "It wasn't what it looked like." 

"It looked like you were wearing women's clothing and rolling around on a bed with a lesbian. I found it disturbing. Not on a gay level. Just on a ... you level." 

"Not the first women's clothing I've ever worn," Kurt told her. “I mean, just pointing that out. And that robe looks fabulous on me. Fashion knows no gender." He busied himself around the kitchen, making coffee. 

“I think you 2 are spending too much time at home,” Rachel said. “You’re obviously going stir crazy. You need to get out more.” 

“Possibly,” Kurt agreed, with a distracted nod of his head. 

“Perfect! So, you’ll both come?” 

“Come where?” 

She grinned from ear to ear. “I’m going to be giving a mid-semester recital. It’s very informal. Just some friends of mine who want to hear my voice. You know that I’ve been trying to save it for important occasions.” 

“Yes, I do know. I’ll come. Of course I will. You know I’m always here to support you.” And Kurt would. Even if Rachel annoyed him to no end, she would remain his best friend. Well, his other best friend, as Santana quickly filled that role as well. 

“It will get the 2 of you out of the apartment, give you some -” 

“What the fuck is she rambling about?” Santana asked, stumbling into the room. Kurt put a mug of coffee in front of her, which she inhaled. Santana always preferred for her first cup to be black and bitter. 

“Rachel has asked us to come and hear her sing,” Kurt told her. “I said I would.” 

“I would rather pull out my eye teeth with rusty pliers.” 

“Charming.”

“You know it.” 

Rachel completely ignored her, mostly because she knew Santana said things she didn’t mean when she’d just woken up. “It’ll be so great, but Kurt, you have to help me prepare! What am I going to sing?” 

“Sing ... sing ... sing, sing ... swing!” He offered. 

“Swing?” 

“Oh, oh, we could be the Andrews Sisters! I could dress up.” 

Santana actually seemed to perk up at the idea. 

“It is a recital, not a group effort. And I hardly think that swing is in my wheelhouse.” 

"It's in Kurt's," Santana murmured, because she'd confided once there was nothing he couldn't do. He contended that twangy country and polka were impossible, but she said they weren't. Santana was an odd, sarcastic fan. 

“True, true,” Kurt and Santana agreed without a trace of sarcasm. 

“Oh, geeze, you’re going to sing a Babs song. Just get over it and do it.” Santana looked despairingly at her empty mug, then grabbed at Kurt’s. Deftly, he pulled it away.   
“My love for you knows bounds.” 

"Then you'd give me your coffee." 

"Alright, it knows bounds. They are few." Kurt looked up at Rachel and smiled, a genuine smile he reserved for his girls. "You girls know I'd do almost anything for you. Other than give you my coffee. Or lose to you ever again on purpose. But anything else." 

Santana laughed because she knew that included letting her tear his shirt open, although it had been a cheap shirt and he didn't speak to her afterward for almost a week.   
"Oh, Kurt!" Rachel hugged him and Kurt grinned back at her. 

"She's right. Sing "Who Are You Now". Make them cry." 

"Oh, yes!" 

"Berry, I hate to say it, but you kill that song." She swiped at Kurt's coffee again, but he pulled it away, with a sharp look in her direction. 

"Don't even think it, Satan." 

"Looks like I already thought it." 

"And thus, you are evicted from my bed." 

"You don't mean that. It's too lucrative." 

"Lucrative?" Rachel asked.


	6. I've Totally Watched You Two Have Sex!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt makes new friends (one of whom swears worse than a sailor) and admits to being possessed by the devil.

"I ... I just mean that Kurt has become a slut. Not that I disapprove. Sluts have more fun." 

Rachel affected her serious face, which made Santana moan preemptively. “Slut shaming is wrong. People should be allowed to have sex without being criticized for it. Your negative -” 

“I let Santana fuck me with a strap-on,” Kurt told Rachel with as straight a face as he could muster. Which, he hadn’t yet. Their audience wasn’t really into it. But it was worth saying just to see the look on her face. 

“OMG!” Puffing up, she yelled, “why her? I am so shocked and hurt that you wouldn’t ask me to do that for you! Because you are obviously missing Blaine. And I feel for you both, I do, lost and alone without your true loves. I can understand -”

“Rachel!” Kurt stopped her, grabbing her hands. “It was a bad joke. Santana has not fucked me.” No, he’d only fucked her. And that, of course, was very lucrative. “Oh dear mother of Prada, I do not need anyone to fuck me and I certainly don’t need a man.” He took a deep breath, ignoring Santana’s sniggering, the bitch. “I’m perfectly fine with being single.” 

“Me too, man hands. You even come close to suggesting sex with me and I will cut you into small pieces with a dull knife.” 

“I certainly didn’t suggest sex with you,” Rachel told her. 

“Well, as charming as this conversation has been, I must find somewhere else to be.” Kurt fairly ran from the apartment, desperate to find bleach for his brain. 

For once, he didn’t have anything to do or anywhere special to go, so he just started walking. New Jersey didn’t smell especially nice, but he knew walking would clear his head. Around him he watched the foot traffic. Pulling up the collar of his coat, he slipped on his sunglasses and hoped that no one would recognize him. He really did not need that right now. 

Finally, after a good hour of strolling around, he noticed a rather run-down looking bar. A drink would probably do him good. 

“Beer?” the bartender asked before he even sat himself down. 

Kurt nodded. “Honey ale.” Which was probably the least objectionable thing he could get. The good thing about bars was that, unlike a diner, the edibles were generally safe. And the glass did look fairly clean. “Thanks.” 

“May I ... I mean ...” The bartender leaned close, her elbows on the bar. “You look fuckin’ familiar.” 

Kurt took off his glasses. “I really just want a beer.” 

“Oh, fuck me! You’re him!” She glanced around. “I’ll leave you alone, but you’re fuckin’ hot on camera. Just answer me 1 thing. Where did she find you? All the good ones are gay or taken, right? Where can I meet myself a fuckin’ man worth fuckin’?” 

Kurt just stared for a moment. Then he laughed. He laughed so hard his sides shook and he was in danger of falling off the stool. “I’m gay,” he gasped out. 

“No way!” 

“Totally.” 

“Then you should be an actor. I’m Laura. I just transferred from NorthWestern to do film school at Tisch.” She grinned. “Your name isn’t really Dirk, is it?” The shark of her grin reminded him so much of Puck. A wave of homesickness twisted through him. 

“I probably shouldn’t tell you, but it’s Kurt.” He took a long sip of his beer. It wasn’t terrible. “I’m at NYADA.” 

“Really? Dude! You should totally be in the short film I’m working on!” 

“Does it involve nudity?” Kurt asked, skeptically.

“I’d have to pay for nudity, right? Entirely clothed. It’s about some guys and a fish. There’s a goldfish. She’s cute. She doesn’t die and no one has to eat her and there’s no pathos.” She shrugged. “It’s a comedy. I’m a Junior. I already got over myself, mostly.” 

Kurt thought about that. “Sure, I’d love to.” He opened his mouth to mention Rachel and Santana, but then he closed it again. It would be nice to have a few friends of his own. “I would really love to.” 

So, the first time Kurt appeared on camera with his clothes on was in Laura’s student film. He starred with her roommate, Rebecca, and the 2 girls down the hall. There was some awkwardness at first because they’d all seen him naked, fucking Santana, but by the end of the night, with several glasses of wine in them, they were like old friends. 

“I just cannot believe you’re gay!” Rebecca wouldn’t stop saying it, which got annoying, but Kurt thought he could understand. He wasn’t quite sure how he could do it either. It was just ... you know, Santana. And her Satanous ways. 

“It’s Satan,” he finally said. “I’ve been possessed by the devil.” He glanced around. “Anyone want to meet my lesbian co-star?” 

“Fuck me! She’s gay too?” Laura asked. 

“I do.” Lynn, one of the girls from down the hall, raised her hand. “I mean, I just can’t picture either of you being gay. I just have to see this.” 

Kurt pulled out his phone and texted Santana, asking her to come. “This is probably a terrible idea.” 

“Oh, no, it’s the only way to end a fuckin' night like this one,” Laura assured him, giggling. “You got any straight friends?” 

“There’s Rachel, our other roomie.” 

“And she hasn’t appeared on camera yet?” 

Kurt shrugged. “Every time Santana and I try something kinky our viewership drops. It’s disappointing, really. Allows for no artistic vision at all. Or her fucking me with a strap-on. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been laid with a man? It’s pathetic, really.” It was a testament to how drunk he was that he was telling them about his lack of sex life. Well, lack of real sex life. 

“Curtis is gay,” Rebecca offered. “The guy down the hall.”

“I’m not going to fuck him just because he’s gay. I have standards.”

“He has a cock,” Laura offered. “I mean, just sayin’.” 

“And that meets my standards. Where is he?” 

So, they invited Curtis to the party. And then they invited most of the rest of the floor, because why not? 

When Santana arrived with Rachel in tow, she found Kurt half-naked on Rebecca’s bed with this Curtis guy in his lap. “Ladyface? This is up to your standards?” 

Curtis wasn’t the most handsome guy. He had buck teeth and a scraggly goatee. His hipster Buddy Holly glasses lay next to the 2 of them on the bed. 

“Only you are up to my standards, Satan,” Kurt told her. “Now, go away. I’m about to get laid with someone who actually has a cock.” 

“Kurt! Stop this right now!” Rachel yanked on him hard, jerking him and sending Curtis toppling to the floor. 

“Hey! Who’s the crazy bitch?” 

“My best friend.” Kurt swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Rachel, I **am** trying to get laid. Curtis and I can do that on the floor, but it’s really not as comfortable.” 

“You’re only doing this because Blaine cheated on you,” she said, putting on her best empathetic face. 

“Well, yes. If he hadn’t, we’d probably still be together and I still wouldn’t be getting laid. Except on holidays. What’s your point?” 

“OMG! It’s you!” A very drunk Rebecca ran up to Santana and threw her arms around Santana’s neck. 

“Who the fuck is this and can I cut her innards out with the heel of my shoe?” 

“Down, Rebecca,” Kurt told her, his voice a bit slurred. 

“She’s excitable,” Curtis said, still sitting on the floor. “One time she won a goldfish at the fair and he almost killed it, waving it around.” 

“You know, you’d be so much cuter without the goatee,” Kurt told him. 

“Really? For a pretty face like yours, I just might be willing to do that.” 

“Seriously, Hummel?” Santana asked. “And get this -” She shoved hard at Rebecca, knocking the girl on her ass. “Stay down!” 

“I just want to see you and Dirk have sex some more! Live!” 

It was that moment, the one in a party where everything goes quiet and someone shouts something idiotic. Everyone turned to look. 

“I don’t know who she’s -” Kurt began, but he got cut off by one of the other girls in the room. 

“OMG! I’ve totally watched you 2 have sex!” she squealed.

Which is how Rachel found out.


	7. You're my hot, gay, non-sexy love too...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Rachel knows, the fall-out.

“They wouldn’t have sex,” Rachel argued. “They’re both gay.” She looked to Kurt and Santana for confirmation, but they could only stare back at her, guilty. “Kurt? Santana?” 

“I think he’s named Dirk Gently,” Curtis said. “Totally hot. Being bi, I was into it all the way.” 

“Are you really bi or just a hipster?” Kurt asked. 

“Do I have to decide?” Curtis shrugged. “Labels are for chumps.” 

“Dirk?” Rachel asked, devastated. 

“OK, OK, Santana and I have been making porn. It pays really, really well. If you tell my dad, I will burn all your cute hats.” 

“You’ve been fucking Santana?” she screeched. “How? Even how?” 

Kurt shrugged. “I guess she’s my exception or something.” 

“But you’re bi, right?” Curtis asked. 

“I’m gay, actually.” 

“Santana?” Rachel asked, every inch of her devastated. 

“What, hobbit breath?” 

“Really? My 2 gay dads would be so disappointed in you both! You - you traitors!” Crying, she ran from the room. 

“Well, that went better than expected,” Santana drawled. 

“Rain check?” Kurt asked Curtis. “She’s my best friend. I should go after her.” 

“Sure, yeah, anytime for you. Just,” standing, Curtis reached into Kurt’s back pocket and extracted his phone, “what’s your real name?” 

“Kurt.” 

“Kurt and Curtis. Is that going to work out?” He quickly entered his number into Kurt’s phone and then texted himself. 

“I think you might have to change your name,” Kurt said, as seriously as he could. He let Curtis put his phone back in his pocket and cop a feel. “I’ll call.” With one last kiss, he took off after Rachel. 

“Pathetic,” Santana muttered. “Any girl here want to have sex with a porn star?” she shouted. Several hands went up. “Orgy time it is.” 

When Kurt got home, he found Rachel waiting for him, sitting on his bed. 

"Rachel?" He sighed, sitting down beside her. "I was afraid of you finding out." 

"You're gay," she whispered, not even looking at him. 

"I guess Santana and I are straight for pay." He nudged her, but she didn't laugh and he didn't either. "Is it so awful?" 

"It's just wrong. What will I tell my dads?" 

Kurt clenched his teeth. Standing, he started to strip out of his clothes. "Why do you have to tell them anything? Why is it even their business? And what right do they have or you have to be disappointed in me?" He slammed through his drawers, looking for something to wear to bed. 

"Would your dad be disappointed?" Rachel shot back. 

"Get out of my room," he snarled. 

"No, you are going to talk to me! You are going to tell me!" 

"Fuckin' look it up! Dirk and Callie! We're a thing! A sensation!" Getting right in her face, he yelled, "and then call your dads and tell them what a bad gay I am! Tell everyone! Tell George Takei and post it on Facebook for all I care!" 

"You have no shame!" 

"Yeah, well, shame went out the window when I fucked Santana's tits!" 

Standing primly, Rachel stalked out.

Kurt collapsed on the bed. He should have just stayed at the party and fucked Curtis. "Fuck, I miss men," he moaned. 

When he woke, Rachel was gone. Santana was stretched out next to him, sleeping the sleep of the obviously satisfied. "I think I love you and I hate myself," he whispered. Then he got up and went to the kitchen to make tea. 

When Santana rose, she found Kurt sitting at the table, staring off into the distance, his tea cold. 

"You going to leave me?" she asked. 

"No, but I think maybe we should stop making porn." He shrugged. "I have quite a bit of the money saved up." 

"You're doing this for Berry?" 

"What if my dad saw it?" 

Santana snarled to herself and dropped into a chair. "Fine, but if we quit, we're doing a hell of a farewell video." 

"How big is your strap-on, because I need some. Badly." 

"Always knew you were a size queen." 

He smiled, that sweet, crooked smile of his. "Whatever gave me away?" 

"Well it certainly wasn't that midget you dated." 

"He's only 2 inches shorter than me and unbelievably well hung." 

"You're right, I don't believe it." She stood and smoothed out her nightgown. "Coming? Because you will be." 

20 minutes later, Kurt was face down on the bed. Santana, wearing nothing but a harness and a grin, fucked into him relentlessly. "That good, bitch? Take it! Take all fuckin' 8 inches of my hard as fuck cock!" Her hand smacked against his ass, making him moan. "Kinky." 

Pushing up, he drove himself back onto her plastic cock. "Harder!" 

Grabbing his hair, she pulled him up even farther and did just that. "Grab your cock and make yourself come!" she ordered. 

Kurt loved the way she ordered him around. Loved every second of it. He jerked his cock hard and fast, forcing himself to orgasm, spraying all over the sheets. She let him go, dropping him right into the wet spot. Unbuckling the harness, she left the dildo inside as she crawled around to his head and pulled him up by his hair again. 

"Use your tongue," she ordered. 

Kurt made her come so hard, she screamed. She collapsed back onto the bed and Kurt got up to turn the camera off. Then he staggered back to bed and flopped down beside her. 

"You're my hot, gay, non-sexy love too," she murmured before drifting off to sleep. 

For the second time, Rachel came home to find them in a compromising position. "I cannot believe you 2." 

"Rachel?" Kurt sat up, bleary eyed. "Is there coffee?"

"Could you please put your clothes on?" She took a deep breath. "I came here to apologize." 

"Yeah, I need coffee for this. Let me find some clothes." He shooed her away. In the closet, he found his zebra striped robe and slipped it on. "Coming?" he asked. 

"Whatever." 

They joined Rachel at the table, Kurt in his robe and Santana parading naked, although, knowing the way Kurt felt about his chairs, she did put down a towel before she sat.

"What do you want to say, man hands?" 

"Could you put some clothes on?"

"No." 

Rachel frowned at her and squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. "I wanted to apologize. My reaction was not what it should have been." 

"Ya think? You made Ladyface cry." 

"I did not cry." 

"I had to cheer him up and since I don't give blowjobs off camera, that was no small fete."

"I called my dads," Rachel admitted. "They had some ... well ... not nice things to say to me. I'm sorry, alright? I felt betrayed because that's not what I pictured gay to be like and ... I guess sexuality isn't like that." 

"It's not," Kurt admitted. "And to tell you the truth, the whole thing confuses me too." 

"Just because I like girls doesn't mean I can't be in love with a guy," Santana said. 

"In love?" 

"Our love isn't like that," Kurt told her. "But it's not like my love for you either. It's just ... different. And I want to go back to men now. I mean for sexual purposes. We just made our last video." He took a long sip of his coffee. "You were right. About my dad, I mean. What would I do if he found out. He'd be so disappointed in me." 

"Conversely, my abuela might be really glad. _You found a boy after all, that's so nice, even if his skin blinds me and he sounds like a girl."_

"Well, I think I never want to see any of your videos." 

"I agree that's a good thing," Kurt told her. "Particularly any of ... all of them." 

"I can't believe you didn't notice." 

"Oh, we were making it so obvious toward the end," Kurt admitted. "You never found the stuff lying around?" 

"I thought they were just Santana's things." 

"Not mine?" Kurt asked. 

"I would have thought the same," Santana admitted. "Until I had you in bed, I thought you were an uptight prude like Berry. I had no idea how hot and kinky you were." 

"I am not uptight or a prude and I think I want to never speak of this again. I certainly hope Santana walking around naked will not be a thing." 

Kurt and Santana looked at one another, a long look that spoke volumes. 

"I think this is the new normal," Kurt admitted. "And I think we'll all get used to it. And I think I rather like it this way." 

"What about Blaine?" Rachel asked. 

"Fuck him, he touches my Kurt with his hobbit hands again and I'll rip him a new one. And I'm shocked you don't think the same. He hurt Kurt." She looked Rachel in the eye. "He hurt Kurt and we are on Kurt's side." 

"Does there have to be a side?" 

Kurt shifted uncomfortably, looking between his 2 girls. 

"There does. There always does." Santana rose from her chair, exposing all her glory. "There always does, Rachel. Kurt is my love. He'd better be your love too, not that you deserve it." 

"I think you deserve it," Kurt said. 

"As long as our love doesn't involve fondling, I think yes, you're right." 

"You're totally missing out on his tongue." 

"Something I did not need to know." 

So, things went back to normal, only it was the new normal. Occasionally, Kurt and Santana kissed. And occasionally Rachel caught them at it. And once, when they were drunk, the 3 of them kissed, but they agreed to never speak of that again. 

Eventually Kurt and Blaine made up (although Santana never forgave him) and Blaine moved in. Santana stopped wandering around completely naked, but she didn't completely stop kissing Kurt. That would never stop, no matter what.


End file.
